Ancient Aliens: I'm Literally Shouting at the TV Right Now

Oh god. Why do I do this. WHYYYYY.

Right. To motivate myself to pick up a real science textbook.

So far we've got:
The author of Chariots of the Gods - which, as I understand from my archaeology book, was THE book of ridiculous archaeological psuedoscience that was held up as an epitome of everything psuedoscientific - was talking about something. Apparently, the fact that on the equinox, the edge of a shadow from a temple falls on another temple. Because geometry is too hard for humans to have invented on their own. Where does this guy think calculus came from? Does he even know what calculus is?

Someone saying that fire was of mystical significance to ancient cultures that had rituals involving fire, not because fire was, say, necessary to cooking food and surviving the cold, but because fire looked like spaceship exhaust.

Then someone said that the rituals associated with kings wear crowns coming from how aliens might look if their heads were backlit by something, because I guess human heads can't be backlit?

Think that was the flimsiest logic you've ever heard? Well, here's one even better: The proof that a certain ritual by an indigenous tribe in Mesoamerica was inspired by extraterrestrial visitors is that - take a moment to put down and swallow whatever you're eating or drinking, your keyboard will thank me - the outfit worn by the "medicine man" is almost the exact same shape as 20th-century astronaut suits!

[cue some kind of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff here]

Oh, hey, it's the "TARDIS rock art". Although I'd think it's more credible if they actually said out-and-out that it means the Doctor visited them.

"Star beings"? What? Is "extraterrestrial" not mysterious sounding enough any more? Since I'm going on a Doctor Who tangent, is a Star Whale a kind of Star Being?

"Maybe quantum entanglement is already occurring" *cue animation of Aurora Borealis*

Oh. My. Flying. Spaghetti. Monster. They're trying to sell DVD's of this? Does this imply that people actually buy DVD's of this?!? Why would you do that? (I will not take "but drinking games" as an answer because that's what Netflix is for)

Wait, this is almost literally Stargate. They're even talking about the importance of Abydos! I think I would buy the DVD if it actually was a Stargate/Doctor Who crossover.

Yeah, and we're done. Or at least my brain is breaking.