So far, it's just various people remarking on how many different places that one can find pyramids. And then our resident "Ancient Alien Theorist" says that the "greatest mystery of all time" is the question of who built the pyramids and how.
The next big question that this man asks is, why build the pyramids so tall? I don't know, why don't they ask the person who made that building in Dubai that's a freaking half mile tall?
So now they're talking about Egypt in 1940. I'm not sure which of the two (or more?) media franchises that deals with 1940's Egypt that I should start referencing now...
They mention that the sides of the pyramids are slightly angled in, and that the sun shows it at the solstices. "This implies that whoever built this was aware of the solar cycle." If they really think that ancient people couldn't have counted to 365 after millennia of practice or figured out which directions were east and west, they really need to read a Boy Scout handbook or something...
"Mainstream scientists believe..." Wait, WHAT? Stop right there.
They presented and opposing viewpoint.
THEY PRESENTED AN OPPOSING VIEWPOINT.
THEY PRESENTED AN OPPOSING VIEWPOINT.
Let's pause for a second and celebrate this momentous occasion!
But wait! Now that we've got the shred of good scientific research out of the way, we're getting into real pseudoscience, not just stuff that relies on ancient people not being able to handle 10th-grade math!
"It's possible that the earliest pyramids were made as beacons." Beacons of... what? To what? But then they say that the Mayan pyramids can't be seen from above. Which either means they're still going on the "can't handle basic geometry" tangent, or else means that their beacons can pass through trees.
Now, they're talking about how a large Buddhist stupa was "a place where man connected with the gods."
Except, the concept of "gods" is not central to Buddhism. It's true that the beings at their highest level(s) of enlightenment could be loosely considered "deities", but worshiping, praying to, or otherwise attempting to please them is not something that really meshes with the Buddhist beliefs about how to attain that level of enlightenment.
And, because we don't have enough circular reasoning yet, the show is discussing how people make pilgrimages up the stairs of some pyramid or another because, according to the hosts, it's a metaphor for a journey to the stars. (I suspect that they did not consult anyone practicing any of these religions) But why are they a metaphor for a journey up to the stars? Because, the stairs actually did literally take people from ancient wherever-it-is up to meet extraterrestrials!
So, now the conversation returns to where pyramids are, with China as the location of the moment. "While some researchers believe they were tombs, others believe that they are pyramids, covered up by the Chinese government." Well, alright, there's no reason that they can't be both, but carry on...
Now they're asking, "Why is the Chinese government attempting to hide these ancient structures?" I don't know, does anyone in the Western world have a good understanding of why the Chinese government does anything? These people probably don't, judging from their complete ignorance of millennia-old Eastern religions.
"Ancient Chinese emperors claimed contact with extraterrestrials...." Pretty much every single leader of every single vaguely nation-state-like thing since the beginning of time up until the 19th century claimed some kind of special blessing or avenue of contact with their deity of choice. Which, on this show, means "extraterrestrial."
"Countries that want to ensure that the truth of their extraterrestrial origin will never be known." Apparently, whoever's saying this - likely That Guy With The Hair - has forgotten that they're well on their way to claiming that every single country on the planet (including the USA), if not the entire human race, has extraterrestrial origins. I give them until halfway through next season.
Fast-forward through some almost identical stuff about buried pyramids in Bosnia, that do not provide any additional opportunities for snarky pictures.
And the narrator just used the words "forbidden archaeology." As if there's an archaeology police that will arrest you if you start talking about aliens. Instead of just side-eyeing your psuedoscience and not publishing you in peer-reviewed journals. Even Stargate SG-1 got that one right.
So, apparently they're done with ancient pyramids, because now they're talking about a "massive pyramid of fiberglass" financed and built by a Russian defense contractor, in Ukraine. This defense contractor, around the time of the fall of the Soviet Union, believed that pyramids produced "energies that could affect biological and non-biological materials." Congrats, that's every kind of material on the planet. And what kind of energy, by the way?
"The Russian air force knows this." Yes. The Russian (or Soviet) air force is exactly the most technologically advanced, well-informed air force in the world!
Then they asserted that "...by placing materials within the pyramid it promotes growth, it promotes health, it promotes longevity." Um, citation, please? Oh, wait, they just used the phrase "Pyramid power."
Happily, the show has gone back to topic ancient Egypt!
They said, verbatim, "The pyramids seem to be placed where the energy is..." which is quite confusing considering that they seemed to be promoting the idea that pyramids somehow created "energy" right before the last commercial break! And, the ambiguity of this energy continues - it's referred to as "cosmic energy" and "underground energy", but they never go as far as specifying whether it's electromagnetic energy or what.
And, this is the line that we've been waiting for, right here...
"Could ancient civilizations have built pyramids to mark sites of extraterrestrial contact?"
I just don't have words for that one. Except that.... alien ship landing platforms.
Now, they're saying something about "Is it possible that the Mayans, and other ancient cultures, could have been given information about energy pyramids blah blah from aliens?" [Author's Note: My brain kind of gave out here, so transcription is somewhat incomplete] "Blah blah (probably 'ancient astronaut theorists') believe that the pyramids of Giza could produce enough energy to reach not just across the planets, but across the universe!" And once again, they don't mention what kind of energy these pyramids supposedly produce!
Now, they're finally getting back to some remotely (and I mean very, very remotely. Like, makes Antarctica look just next door remotely) scientific attempts to explain this theory.
So, what they're talking about, is that in '77 and '87, an electronics engineer did experiments on top of the pyramid. He was using not just standard equipment, or equipment that had been tested or calibrated to ASTM standards or anything, but equipment he had designed himself. And then, he says the words "energy field." I believe that Neil deGrasse Tyson has something to say about this...
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They include a photograph of this equipment. Notably, the equipment is not blocking electromagnetic radiation in the visible spectrum.
Now, it gets really, really fun and psuedoscientific. This makes the preceding episode sound like amateur hour. Ready?
Supposedly, this model pyramid became weightless (which I take to mean "levitated", unless the person in question actually had it on a scale at the time), started moving, aligned with the constellation Orion (It's the First Law of Pyramids: All pyramids somehow align with Orion) and - get this - went into hyperspace.
Now, they're mentioning something about string theory. Let me take a minute to tell you what I, as a physicist, think about string theory: It's either a completely brilliant or completely crackpot theory, but either way, it's what happens when you mix theoretical physicists and mind-altering substances.
Anyways, now they're saying the pyramid acted as a time machine, and something about... wait, "weird electromagnetic vibrations"? Um, electromagnetic vibrations are no fancier than light. Granted, they can also come in the form of radio waves or microwaves or infared or UV or gamma radiation, but if you hear someone say the words "all electromagnetic radiation", replace it with "light." If it sounds improbable, laughable, or flat-out wrong, they're probably being imprecise at best, or maybe even outright psuedoscientific!
So then they close out saying that nobody built more pyramids like that because aliens stole the blueprints or something (yes, they said "blueprint") and something about gateways and "advanced otherworldly technology" but, very sadly, they didn't say the word "stargate" once in this episode.
And, fortunately, that's over. I don't think my brain could've handled any more.
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