Ancient Aliens: DISASTERS!

Now we're blaming every great big disaster on aliens. Once again, a Doctor Who link is only appropriate...

So, is this going to get insensitive at any point in the episode, or are we going to stick to dinosaurs and Pompeii and hasn't negatively affected anyone who's currently alive?

Oh, wait, they started off with the Japan Earthquake in 2011. Wow. This is so much more astoundingly insensitive than I thought it would be!

This is apparently bolstered by the claim that UFO's were sighted over Japan shortly after the earthquake and tsunami.

Fortunately, now they're back to ancient Mediterranean places, and they're talking about Poseidon. Let's all take a moment to let that sink in: This show, which airs on a channel that purports to be about history, is actually promoting the idea that major earthquakes are caused by angry, invisible, superpowered beings, instead of things like plate tectonics.

And they're angry because you aren't building them statues and temples any more, because nothing will make you think that you should start worshiping random long-forgotten deities like a natural disaster! Yet, Virginia Beach continues to somehow get hit by hurricanes despite having a large statue of Poseidon/Neptune on the shore. (Also, I totally found a photo of Medusa texting while looking for an image of that)

I'm sorry, that was the sound of... well, it was several sounds, including the entire scientific community doing their best Jean-Luc Picard impression, some young-earth creationists also laughing at you, and whatever small tremor happened somewhere in my county as I was typing up this very post.

Oh, and now the Haiti earthquake! This show is coming in as a late but strong contender against Pat Robertson in the "Who can say the most offensive thing about the Haiti earhquake" category.

They used the words "powerful thunderstorm" in the same sentence as "essentially nuclear-level destruction across the US." I think they're misunderstanding the words "essentially" or "nuclear" or more likely both.

Finally, they're back at the Flood, which seems like the logical and inoffensive place to start. They get points for noticing that the "Hebrew Bible" and "Islamic Koran", as well as the Epic of Gilgamesh, all contain similar stories.

And then they mentioned Krakatoa, which was kind of

They used the word "Chariot of the Gods" without referencing the book, or having the author on to talk about it!

Then, someone actually said the sentence,"Ancient extraterrestrials are hollowing out volcanoes to use as a base." Hang on a moment, I didn't put in a "Someone made a movie/TV show of this" square on my Ancient Aliens Bingo Cards! Because that is literally the plot of a Doctor Who episode involving Vesuvius.

So, now they're presenting the theory that aliens created deserts such as the Sahara. Rather than deserts being hot an inhospitable because that's just what happens when you get something in a place with low humidity and no water source, or that animals tend not to live there because it's hot and inhospitable, their explanation? That aliens zapped it with some kind of water-and-life destroying force or something. I don't know, I'm not paying that much attention now.

But, now they're back to repeating some of their most popular lines - for example, that every stylized human shape looks like an alien/spacesuits, and that ancient people were fascinated by the brightest star in the sky because it was where the aliens came from.

So, let's take another moment to sit back and comprehend the massive Occam's Razor fail here.

Now, they're talking about something like "certain comets that are programmed to bring life... certain comets that are programmed to bring destruction" with the implication that some alien/deity/beings tried to warn some ancient cultures about comets.

Seriously? What's the point of telling an "ancient" culture about an impending comet? What are they going to do about it? Build a spaceship out of rocks and sticks to put a nuke (also made out of rocks and sticks) in the middle of the comet?

Finally, they end on the Yucatan crater, asking "could it have been a planned event? If so, why?" Their proposals were that the dinosaurs needed to be killed off so the planet would be safe for humans. But, why? Why does it have to be humans, specifically? Why something so soft and squishy and tiny? Most importantly, why not let dinosaurs evolve until they're sentient? Because sentient dinosaurs would just be AWESOME.